singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
