did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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