Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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