Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize