The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
