I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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