I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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