I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
