i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So much rum. So many feels.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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