Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
