someone threw a dead crab at me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
