Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
