do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
