I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
