You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
