apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
