Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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