I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize