Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
