He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
