I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
