I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
