i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize