Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
