what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
