hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
