I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize