I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
