ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
where are my eyebrows?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
