what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
