1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
