i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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