i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
