it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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