We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
