So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
