If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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