Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize