I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
