It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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