There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize