My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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