I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
