He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
