you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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