Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
