The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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