LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
