i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
