I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
