she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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