i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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