I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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