Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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