Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
