my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize