this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
