my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
