"it" just moved
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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