eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
