you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
