I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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