as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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