Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
