What did we do last night that was yellow?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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