Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
foreskin is a definite game changer
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
