Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
