Already got asked if we're dating
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
