filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
wow bdsm is so cute
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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