Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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