Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
